beatle_boot

The Fanfiction Writing Forecast...

2009-10-17T11:32:54Z

Monday 19th - Lecture and Seminar in morning, followed by afternoon filled with assignment writing. Possiblity of fic writing...0/10

Tuesday 20th - Lecture and Seminar in morning, followed by seminar reading for wednesday and work all evening...5/10

Wednesday 21st - Lecture and Seminar in morning, followed by assignment work and going home to see parents and Granny :) ...0/10

Thursday 22nd - Day off from uni and work, at home until afternoon, travelling across south west train line most of afternoon (possibly write then??), back in Winchester, have to do more assignment work well into evening...4/10

Friday 23rd - Lecture and Seminar in morning, need to write novel chapter, may get chance to write fanfic, work all evening...6/10

Saturday 24th - Morning off, will write something! 10/10

Sunday 25th - Work all day, get home and rest, chance of writing...no way! 0/10

Laptop dreamz...

2008-09-02T14:37:48Z

I'm getting a new laptop on Thursday!! OMG! Writing is going to be so much easier and QUICKER!!

WOO HOO!!

*dances*

I have somewhere to live!!

2008-08-23T12:29:27Z

Just got my room allocation from the Uni this morning...

I'm in my first choice of "St Swithun's Lodge"!

It's their cheapest halls and it's USUALLY favoured by mature students (I hope this is still the case this year!).

Small, Victorian and a forward-roll away from the campus...what more could dear beatle_boot want? XD

beatle_boot @ 2008-08-22T08:02:00

2008-08-22T07:03:41Z

WHY IN THE HELL DOES "BLAME ELVIS" HAVE NO COMMENTS!?

I'm sorry to shout, but i'm kinda stunned. I thought this was the one story that everyone liked...what the hell's happened!?

*get paranoid*

Labour of my Fruits...

2008-07-14T14:14:22Z

I was sorting out all the fic folders I have PACKED with slash and transfered them to a big box, that was after taking the following pictures of course! XD

And totally unrelated but...

MY NIECE HAS A MOPTOP! *dances* (and her favourite Tshirt is the Beatles shirt I got her from Liverpool *coolest Aunt ever*)

Facebook facepalm

2008-07-08T20:59:11Z

I've just joined facebook (highly out of character) and so, if anyone would do the honour of friending me, i'd be very happy! >.<

(please be aware that I know I look awful in my picture there, but it was raining and I was too buzzed on waiting for Paulie! XD!!)

I don't know how this is supposed to work, but if you search for "Emma Hillman" you should find me ^^!

beatle_boot @ 2008-05-29T19:35:00

2008-05-29T18:39:06Z

OH MY FRICKIN' GOD...

I got into Winchester University! Hee hee! I'm so happy! And add that to the Liverpool trip and Paulie concert...this is turning into one hell of a bitchin' weekend! XD!!

I now need to sort out my accomodation form and loan form and I'm all set for three years of fun, frolics and history! woooooooo!!!

No I have to go and jump about my room to something upbeat and amazing...C Moon? Why the hell not!

b_b

"I stood on Jane Austen!"

2008-05-10T18:45:06Z

Yes! She's buried at Winchester Cathedral and it was so weird...she was there, under my feet (and stone, OBV.) the creator of the most perfect man in the world...*swoons*

So, I went to the University of Winchester Open Day today, it was really good. I loved the Uni, I loved the Student housing (their student village had a sorta NYC West Side Story look about it... TRE COOL!) , I loved the city and they had some really good shops. No Topshop though...which is very worrying, I mean...where am I to buy my clothsies now??

I got to hear about the history course and it really sounds fun (*GEEK*) and I can't wait to get to all the good stuff and also in the third year you get to write a dissertation on anything you want...er...gay history 1885-1967 anyone!? XD (I know it's three years away, but i'm always one to plan ahead XD)

We (me and my papa) had a look around the town and went to the Cathedral, we saw Jane Austen's grave and aload of other cool stuff...It's really a magnificent building, and if you've seen "Elizabeth: The Golden Age" you've seen it too! (it was used for some parts of er...did she live at Whitehall?? *must check my facts*)

AHHH! It was great! I feel so great about it all and I can't wait! Only problem is, I haven't heard back from the uni yet about whether i've been accepted, and apparently i'm not likely to know until July 21st :S:S!!

Oh well, I have plenty to squee about before then!

I'M SEEING PAUL IN JUNE! WOOOO! IN LIVERPOOL!!! OH YEAH, IT'S GOING TO BE FOOKIN' AMAZING!! WOOT WOOT! (I'd feel sorry for marie_lu, she's going to have to put up with me being like this on the trip...although, I have a sneaky suspicion she might be acting exactly the same....*strokes chin in deep pondering-ness*)

Also doing a Car Boot Sale tomorrow...hopefully I can raise some funds for the Liverpool trip! I'm selling enough stuff!! XD

b_b

Open Day, Job and THE FUNKY GIBBON!

2008-05-09T12:21:24Z

I w as shown around the bank last night, it's alot to clean, but I have two-hours to do it in so I ain't all that bothered XD

It's my first official night as a paid cleaner and I'm a little bit scared, luckily I was able to ask my sister some things about it because it was her job before i got it ^^. I suddenly realised that I had no clue what I was to put in the mop bucket and silly things like that, what light switches had to stay on and the like. The woman showed me how to clean the toilets (yay) but there were a few things that she missed out XD.

And tomorrow I'm off to Winchester University for an Open Day, hopefully I'll get a good feel for the place and get lots of info. I got a letter from UCAS saying that they've got my application so now it's just completing the loan form and then waiting around. I better get in, or i'll be annoyed! ¬¬

Hmm...I think that's it for today, I have to be at the charity shop for 2pm so I better get myself ready for an afternoon of tagging and pricing second hand clothes...yay! (yes, I have to go to the cleaning job straight after, luckily it's just a quick dash across the shopping centre XD).

b_b

EDIT: I have just come back from 1hr 50mins of non stop cleaning, I'm thirsty as hell and sweating like a peado in a playground! but it's all good, i made £12! woo hoo!! *dances*

oh, and as a present for reading this journal, here are the beatles (in cartoon form) singing "The Funky Gibbon", could your day GET any BETTER!?

Job news

2008-05-07T10:24:53Z

I GOT THE JOB!!! AHH!!!!!! *dances*

YAY ME! I AM SO COOL AND FUNKY AND OH YES! I'VE FINALLY GOT A FOOKIN' JOB! HARRAH!!!! *jumps about in small small tiny study room*

AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!

(can you tell i'm excited?? XD)

Uni...

2008-05-02T07:46:54Z

Woo! I sent off my univeristy application last night, it cost £5 to send, can you believe that?? Luckily my dad paid! ^^!!

I've applied for a History DipHE course at University of Winchester. Just to make that sound less confusing, it's a year short of a degree, being 2 instead of 3, but I do have the option of staying on for the extra year if I want to later on, which I think I will. I wasn't able to apply for the degree because I didn't have the UCAS points or any history quals higher than GCSE (and even then I got a C). Hopefully they can see past that though, read in my Personal Statement that I love the subject and can tell by my old (*giggles*) age that I'm commited and serious. Now it's just a case of waiting... but while I wait I can apply for my student loans (yay) and go to an Open Day at the Uni on the 10th...

I went for a job interview type thing yesterday too, she said she'd ring me to confirm i've got the job, but she did admit that she was seeing someone else about it as well, but she did seem very confident with me and it was my sister's old job so... I just hope I hear something *bites nails* If I do I start on Monday ^^. It's a cleaning job, so nothing too fancy, but it's money and that's all I need right now!

I'm also looking to do a car boot sale with my sister over the weekend. I've got loads of crap I wanna get rid of and as i've stated before; I need money! XD I just hope it doesn't rain for the entire weekend!

b_b

beatle_boot @ 2008-04-14T08:26:00

2008-04-14T07:33:18Z

I'm freaking out! Part of my tooth just fell out! *cries*

I don't know what to do! Should I just leave it and bring it up later with my 'rents, or should I phone my dad now and cry down the reciever?

I know how it happened, I'm not 100% constant with my teeth brushing, well, at least I wasn't until a month or so ago, now I'm twice a day as I should be *nods* still, wasn't soon enough to save my teeth was it? Also I used to eat like 2 large bars of galaxy a week, and where that put no fat onto my body, it's obviously put a strain on my teeth :'(. That's it! No more sugar! I give it up! Fully and completely! *shakes*

It didn't hurt when it came out and it isn't at the moment, but there is a gap at the top of my gums and I can just see that at some point it's going to get irritated ¬¬. I can also feel it against my cheek...it's really weird! *has tantrum*

urgh, why do I let this happen to me, i'm petrified of the dentist, he'll probably want pull my tooth out or fill it with something, either way i bet it will HURT.

*whimpers*

b_b

Oh dear...

2008-04-06T08:11:56Z

My dad wants to read some of the stuff that I write...

He's occasionally enquired about it in the past and i've kinda just brushed it off as nothing, but in the past week or so he's been asking quite alot. I blame myself really, I have the fic titles written on my whiteboard in my room so that I don't get all confused and lost with them and he's seen them and has obviously been pondering what they are about.

"Blame Elvis? What's that about then?"
"Er..*nervous giggle*"

And then last night, my Aunt and Uncle were here and my dad just had to proclaim that I was writing all these stories and not showing them to him. I felt so bad :(. Luckily my Aunt stepped in and said "leave her alone, if she doesn't want you to see it..." My dad still pressed it a little bit though.

So now i'm faced with a dilema, should I show him something? I mean nothing explicit, perhaps just the first couple of chapters of Rich Pickings or Free As A Bird? There's no way of him finding them online...er...apart from typing in the title of the fic in google (and believe me that does work, i did it with AGV a while back, boy did I blush when it came up in the search results!).

I don't like lying, it's starting to make me so paranoid! :'( I hate to think that one day i'll just say "yeah I can't show you because it's filled with naughty man-love".

*bangs head on desk* Why did I have to like slash so much!? Why did I have to like J/P so much!?!?

b_b

Too many fics, so little time...

2008-03-27T20:55:38Z

I'm seriously getting snowed under here guys, damn my over-zealous brain!

I just got ANOTHER historical fic idea just by looking out of the window at the old Victorian Workhouse that is opposite my home (yes I know, it's freaking weird!). I kept on staring at it and pondering (I do this alot with old buildings...trying to imagine it as it would have been in the 1850s when it was full of all those poor people milling about doing there work and being locked in like prisoners) and so decided to do a little reseach as I remembered there being something about it in the "Images of England" book on Yate that my parents felt obliged to buy years ago...

The Spike was the common name for the Workhouse, built in around 1837 to conform with the Poor Law Act of 1834.

Yes I've been staring at that all day, it's what umemployment can do to a person.

So anyway, after this little bit of research (which led me to find an AMAZING website about workhouses and this one in particular) I came up with a cute litte J/P fic idea set in it (although I may have to transport it to Liverpool just to tie it all together ;P).

Yes it will be a Victorian (my favourite!) piece, set in about 1860-1880; i haven't focused in on a year yet ^^. I have gathered a few ideas of what can happen but I don't want to say too much incase of spoilers (not that I think many people are going to see this but what the hey! *shrugs*)

This has now added another fic to my ever growing list of future ideas I have, and I currently have 5 on the go already (and that's NOT including the odd BG!P, Vampire or other one-shot fic idea that I might get!) so I'm really trying to stop myself from collapsing under the weight of it all!

AHHHHHHHH!!!!

b_b

P.S. I may put up some info on the other historical fics I plan to do, it depends on how much I can actually say about them...I think I really want to keep a couple of them really secret because they are pretty "far-out" XP

WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M OVER QUALIFIED!?!?

2008-03-26T14:01:53Z

I didn't get into Filton College, i'm "overqualified" apparently, but it wasn't a total bust, I got told some pretty good advice (even if the lady speaking to me was a little scary :S)

She suggested that I should just go ahead and apply to the Universities that I want to as a "mature student" because then I will be treated differently to the "school leavers" and therefore my be accepted based on my experience rather than my qualifications in a certain field. So i'm going to give it a go and see what happens. Now I have to check with the Student Loans people and see if I'm still eligible for the loans that I need (purely on the basis of me leaving Uni last year and will that spoil my chances of being "re-loaned"; as it were, again). Then contact the Uni's i'm interested in; Winchester and Oxford Brookes (not big Oxford...that's just too scary a thought *shivers*) and see what they say.

If I do have to do something before I can apply in terms of extra study then I was pointed in the direction of a couple of good places Open University and ICS and Learn Direct and all that...they do access courses and A Levels so if I do need something in History I can easily sign up for one of those before.

It was a good thing that I wasn't accepted at Filton in a way, it means I cut two years off of the studying I thought I would have to do which now takes me down to starting a career at 24/25; fingers crossed.

Hmm...trying to finish off "Blame Elvis Part 3" hopefully I'll get that posted tonight (damn sexy scenes!!).

b_b

Have I found my calling?

2008-03-25T13:37:44Z

I've got my college interview this evening at 6:10pm...

I'm not that nervous, it's not like a proper interview, it's more like a "hello and welcome, here is the college, here is what the A Level consists of, this is how much work you'll have to do..." which all stuff i'm pretty much used to anyway so...XD

And on a slightly different note, although it still contains History! Is the fact that i've found a type of book genre that I can really get into and start writing!

Historical Gay Fiction anyone!? With all the ideas i'm getting for my J/P historical epics I might as well face the facts, it's something I should get into! Especially if it means writing lots of man on man action and getting paid for it!! XD I've already started to sort out AGV and turn it into a good love epic between two Victorian men who have slightly different names to PM and JL, they are still P and J (and come to think of it, John's new surname still begins with L!) but they have slightly changed surnames. I feel that if i change their names completely then they are not the same guys, no matter how clearly they are in my head as looking like our J/P; it just doesn't work if I call them Stephen and David. It just...wouldn't!

Anyway, my first thing to do is research a bit more, I know quite a bit about the times and what it was like to be gay and being a renter and all that, I just feel i need to do a bit more so that I can feel confident and really get a strong plotline from what i've already written. I think this version of AGV (which will have a different title) is going to start a bit earlier than the J/P version, probably around 1893ish...just to give Paul a bit more of a background in the newer version...

Plus I can still do the sequel (Blackbirds) if people like it (they will, won't they!?) and then there is Rich Pickings and the other fics that I haven't started yet (but all have titles! XD) like; Anglesey's Secret, In The King's Chamber, Cry Baby Cry and Honey Pie...

All of those are Historical Gay Fictions, I should just give in and start with writing them properly!

Ooh! This is all exciting!

You may be asking where I've found out about this, but a simple trip to amazon has brought this "genre" to light. There is a book there called "The Pheonix" by Ruth Sims and it's based in the late 1800's and is about a poor young Londoner who has to look after his brother (called Michael btw, how freaky is that!?) anyway, thankfully it does not deal with rentboyishness because I would feel well and truly cheated if it did, but it looks like a good little gay love epic and I can't wait to be able to buy it at the end of the week! Along with a Regency gay romance called "Standish" by Erastes and some others that i've found browsing. My guess is that if I can see similarities with my stories then I've got a good chance. ^^

It's just that I don't think I was meant to have all these ideas and not be able to share them properly!

b_b

"Raindrops keep falling on my head..."

2008-03-08T12:37:02Z

I got a letter from the college I applied to, they want me to go down for an interview on the 25th. Yay!

Which means that I finally got the courage to tell my parents. I did it last Sunday and it was a bit of an odd experience because I was crying my eyes out for no particular reason and my dad was kind of baffled by it all. But now I've sent the application in and the college wants to see me, so it's pretty much a case of "I got in!"

I also gave in my CV at my favourite shop in Bath, so hopefully i'll hear back from there. It would be really great to work there (they sell Beatle stuff!! ^^!!) and should be able to fit it around college come September. I journeyed to bath on the "chug chug" bus twice! First I went in search of employment, when I found it in my dream shop I ran back to get the bus home and then went back again to hand in my CV. Yes, I was freezing and hungry and tired but I think it'll be worth it XD.

It feels really weird to be going back to A Level study, but i'm really excited and happy about it!

b_b

P.S. Also play.com have replaced my Angel Season 5 boxset! I got confirmation that it's been posted today, so that along with College acceptance and a good chance at working in Bath this weekend has been pretty cool! ^^!!

As if my life couldn't get any worse...

2008-03-06T15:42:38Z

My laptop has broken.

It's been a bit jippy for a while now, the spacebar has been acting up and the mouse kind of started to go a bit crazy, and for the past couple of days it's gone dead whenever i've tried to turn it on. I have been able to get it turned on before, but now it just won't do it. I've been trying all day with no luck! :'(

It's something to do with the mains/battery link with the computer (I'm not at all technical with computers). Whenever I press the "on" switch it just goes completely dead, then I have to unplug the mains lead and then when i put it back in, it recognises the power source, then when I press the on button again, it goes dead...again.

Luckily I thought ahead and saved my fics to my memory stick, so I have them safe to use on here (family computer), but I really don't like using this computer at all. It's just that I like to have some personal space when doing my fic writing and I don't get that here...when my parents are home then they always come in and potter about in here so it's not the best place to write secret slash!!

Ahh! I'm hoping they may agree to give me a loan so I can get it repaired or get a new one...though I really don't know :S. I could always threaten to download lots of unnessasary stuff from the internet (MSN Messenger, Limewire etc...) to try and coax them into it (yes i'm pure evil).

b_b

P.S. Although I can't really complain all that much, this computer is so much faster and it's brand new! My laptop was a total arse to be honest, so amazingly slow...

Monty 'n' George...them old jokers! ;P

2008-03-05T14:07:29Z

I have just finished watching my copy of The Forsyte Saga on DVD and I had completely forgotten two things;

1. I love Monty Dartie and George Forsyte, they are just so cute and funny.
2. Monty dies :'( . Don't worry if you haven't seen this TV Show, i haven't really spoilt any of it for you, he's not like a major character or anything. But still i did have to shed a tear for my dear, dear Dartie...

So, in tribute to Montegue Dartie; here is a classic Monty n George moment where Monty is explaining the Tango to George after his trip to Argentina.

Yes they may seem overly slashy, but to tell you the truth I never got that vibe from them ^^.

beatle_boot @ 2008-02-29T15:57:00

2008-02-29T16:05:13Z

Okay, so i've made up my mind, I'm going to Filton College to do my A Levels, I've got the application and filled it out, it's ready to be posted... only problem is, i'm too scared to tell my parents! :S

You see, the thing is, over the past year or two, i've changed my mind so many times now with regards to studies and my future that I'm now thinking that my parents will just think it's me trying to find something to do with myself. I don't really know if I can explain to them why I want to do this course, i just do. And then I don't want them thinking that I'm deciding to go back to school simply because I don't want a job (which is far from the truth, I will need a job whether I go to College or not!).

So now I'm quite nervous and i'm trying to find the right way to tell them. These things usually come out over dinner, so I might try then. I really don't want to make too big a deal out of it. So i'm wanting to find a nice calm 'social' time to do it and not be all "sit down, there's something I want to talk to you about".

Why do I have to make life complicated for myself!? *cries*

b_b

P.S. I do really feel like crap today, I dunno what it is but i'm not very happy :(

I don't feel vewwy well :'(

2008-02-28T04:52:44Z

I woke up feeling sick...I still feel sick, I don't think my body temp can regulate itself (is that the right way to phrase it?) and now i'm bored and can't get back to sleep.

I'm also a little bit hungry.

Dammit.

b_b

Should I go back to school?

2008-02-26T23:22:52Z

Kind of a no-brainer right? XD

I've been thinking for a while now about going to college (that's not the same as college in the US, which is University...stop me if i'm confusing you XD) to do two more A Levels in Ancient History and History. I guess it's not that difficult to see that I have a passion for the subject. I love it, I truly do, and I always have. When I was little I wanted to be an archeologist and used to watch this show on BBC2 called "Meet the Ancestors", where a team of archeologists would dig up old human remains and find out they were from the bronze age or were Roman...I was always amazed at how they knew! XD

And now I'm back to watching a similar show called "Time Team" on channel 4, it's a bit different, because they usually deal with finding the remains of buildings and pots and things as apposed to people, but still; it is interesting!

Plus I think Bath has had it's affect on me *shakes fist at City and hits with a shoe*. It's like a History buff's version of a sweet shop! XD

I did try and study History at Bath Spa Uni last year but it didn't work out, but I put that down to the fact that I just wasn't happy at the University overall and no matter what course I did I don't think I would have been able to stick with it.

So now I'm thinking of doing my two history A levels to gain some historic experience and then move on to doing it at a University somewhere (I can hear you shouting Liverpool and there are 3 uni's up there that I could chose from...) and then possibly a teacher training course so that I can teach History to grotty 11-18 year olds.

It's going to take me six years over all, but I think it's worth it to get a good, steady job that I will be proud to have at the end of it. The A level's take 2 years, Uni degree will be 3 and the teacher training will be an extra one year...so i'll be 26 by the time I start my career! :O

Oh well, isn't your 20's supposed to be a time when you can bum around alot (of course I won't be doing nothing...i'll have studies!! XD)
and one last thing before I sign off...shall I try for Oxford and Cambridge? *giggles*

b_b

p.s. Here is a picture of Bath from the 60's,mixing two of my favourite things ^^!!

I have to say, it hasn't really changed much! XD

beatle_boot @ 2008-02-22T09:47:00

2008-02-22T09:56:13Z

I'm going off for the weekend! Woo hoo!

Well, it's more than a weekend really, seeing as I'm coming back on Tuesday ^^. But I am going to be having my hair cut and i'll be having a gay old time with my cousin in the heady heights of greatness that is Leicester (yes, i'm exaggerating *rolls eyes*, but it will still be awesome!)

I am a little bit nervous, i've never done anything like this before, as in go off across the country on my own on a coach. Plus there is the whole night clubbing which I admit i've never partaken in before...plus the hacking off of my hair. AH!

Okay, calm down, you're going to be fine, no internet, no comfortable bed, no...no...erm...no Boosh! But you shall be fine...

It's all a bit silly for me to be nervous really, my cousin is great, he's such a larf and hopefully I'll be really outgoing and fun (which I bloody need to be).

Ooh, so there won't be any fic from me until Tuesday, I will be writing it, don't worry (I have a 4hr coach journey to sit through this afternoon! Which is ample writing time!) but I probably won't be able to post anything until Tuesday.

See you on the other side! (hahaXD)

b_b xx

Dreamin' 'bout Paulie...^^

2008-02-16T09:36:57Z

So, I had a dream about Paul last night, it was pretty okay...weird thing is, it was set at my Grandma's house, JUST like the last two dreams I've had about Paul...is that enough to call it recurring??

The three main things that have been in all three dreams (3 and 3??): Paul, Gran's house (more the kitchen) and marriage (no, not me and him...i'll have to explain!!).

#1 Dream: My cousin was getting Married and it was quite a high publicity affair, there were photographers and reporters in my Gran's Living Room and we had to stand right at the back of the room by the dining table (we as; the family of the bride). For some reason Paul was there, and I naturally got all excited and "AH!" and "OMG!" and "Don't let him see me!" because i'm shy as hell and if I ever met Paul, as in met face to face...well, i don't know what would happen but I don't think it would be good. So, he was in my Gran's kitchen and I was loitering around in the hallway and he walked out of the kitchen and gave me a smile and I was like "AH! OMG! He saw me!" and smiled back and tried to act cool, then i don't really remember how, because I had this dream before xmas I think...but we were out in the village where my gran lives and we were all chummy and acting like bessie mates and he was giggling at me because I had a Beatles tshirt on. I tried to point out that it was a fashion thing and not because I "loved him to bits" as he said himself through the giggles and to point this out I pointed out another girl who was adorned with Beatle clothing and then I think he agreed with me and then I woke up.

#2 Dream: This is a little different because John is at my Gran's house too. I think this one has something to do with Paul being my Gran's Son (aka my uncle) and that's why they were around for sunday lunch. I must point out now that in this dream it's John and Paul from around the Let It Be/Abbey Road area whereas the other dreams it's old Paul XD. So, John and Paul were around for lunch and as everyone was cleaning up the table and washing up and stuff, the two of them were stood either side of my Gran's old breakfast bar that she used to have in the kitchen and were leaning over it and kissing each other; it was the cutest/sweetest image ever and I couldn't help but stare ^^. Then when the whole family were sat down drinking their cups of tea in the afternoon, Paul stood up; closely followed by John and they had an announcement to make; they were getting Married. Everyone was so happy and cheering and congratulating them and stuff and I was just sat there staring at them and it seemed that my opinion on this really mattered for some reason because John pulled me up from my seat and asked if I was okay with this. I said yes and then he gave me the best hug ever known to happen in the dream world and then I don't remember anything else...

#3 Dream: This is the dream I had last night and it's the strangest one yet. The first thing is, the marriage part is a bit subtle in this. Clearly Paul was still going through divorce stuff in this dream because it's all my parents could talk about when they found out that Paul was giving a talk at my old school (no idea why!!). So, he came to my old school to do a big talk (even though there was only like 10 of us sat in a semi-circle o.O) and I remember my sister was sat next to me and she was asking and saying all these really embarrassing things about me loving the beatles and Paul and stuff really loudly and I got so bloody embarrassed and I was asking her to shut up but she wouldn't and thats when I started to cry and walked out. Then my dad found me and said he explained to Paul what had happened and Paul made me a card (I know: WTF? right??) and on the card it said "Happy Wedding Anniversary" (even more WTF!? now eh??) another link to this strange Marriage theme I have. I didn't question it, because aparently in this dream I was married, although I couldn't tell you who it was too because I have no clue but I knew that it wasn't going well and so I was feeling sympathetic to Paul and his divorce... So, the action then moves; like with no explaination at all; to my Gran's house and it's just Paul and me and no one else and I'm to watch him or something, i don't quite get that bit...and anyway we start talking as he's making Sunday Lunch (should that be a forth recurring theme or not?) and we quickly move on to him dating me. He says that he wouldn't because i'm a "scruffy dresser" to which I told him that that was a stupid reason to which he answered "doesn't matter, it's true". Then he sneakily drunk some of my Grandad's whiskey, and then he mashed up the potatoes and carrots together (which is like, my favourite thing in a Sunday Lunch) and then he kept on looking out the living room window for something and then I woke up.

What the f**k is going on in my head!?

sings "It's my birthday and I've lost my mojo...!"

2008-02-12T15:12:38Z

Yes, today I turn 20 years of age...

And I have lost or misplaced my writing ability :O

I just can't seem to write anything, I don't know if it's because of the crappiness i'm feeling about my mum (who had some bad health news on Friday) or just because my life is shit at the moment, but I have this really bad mood about stuff and I think i've already offended someone at JHP which I didn't mean to do :S

And now, I can't write any fic, nothing at all. Not BG!P, not Lamb and Tiger, not Rich Pickings or anything else! It's gone! IT'S ALL GONE! *cries hysterically*

I keep on trying and trying, but I hate whatever comes out or nothing actually does, i feel like i'm not putting any effort into it anymore and that's really upsetting for me because i love to write and if I just can't be arsed, what's that gunna do?? I'm hoping that this is just a phase, hopefully i'll be over it in a few days (or minutes PLEASE!?) and i'll be back to normal.

I don't know what it is, but I haven't got that same feeling that I used to get when I wrote. Like I can't really explain it, but whenever I wrote AGV I would have this clear sense of Victoriana around me and it's just GONE. I can't find it again and so whatever I write with L+T seems like crap to me.

I'm trying to get over this, what with it being my birthday, i got some cash and was able to buy some costume drama DVDs, (Jane Eyre, Cranford and The Sally Lockhart Mysteries) hopefully that might perk me up a bit. I also bought the screenplay book of "The Lost Prince" which is my all time favourite costume drama so if I read that it may help to (as well as re-watching that and all.)

I think it may be good for me to take a break from writing for a bit, I've said this before and it's never worked out, but seeing as I haven't written anything since saturday, I really think that this is a break...at least til next week, but I can't promise anything :S

Anyway, I leave you with a cute little gay kiss from The Mighty Boosh (it made my day ^^), I love it, I think it's really sweet and how much do I want Noel Fielding to be in a raunchy gay love story?? Erm...A LOT

"I AM A GAY!!!!"